Joke Of The Day

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.

What did the spider do on the computer?
He made a website!

How does a rose ride a bike?
By pushing its petals!

According to a new report that just came out, the average college freshman reads at a seventh grade level. Or if you're an optimist every seventh grader now reads at a college freshman level.

Behold the warranty... the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh away.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

The best way to get ahead is to use the one you've got.

My goal for 2017 is to accomplish the goals of 2016, which I should have done in 2015, because I promised them in 2014, having planned them in 2013.

I don’t have a “Welcome” mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side, and the right side.

A terrible thing happened to me last week. I tried to live within my means and was picked up for vagrancy.

The meek shall inherit if they are named in a will.

The main trouble with mental notes is the ink fades so fast.

Intellect has its limits, stupidity knows no bounds.

It takes real genius to be more ignorant than I am.

Birthday cake is the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.

Needless to say, one of the most successful inventors of all time was the man who invented the hay-bailing machine. He made a bundle.

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